So.....

So for those of you I haven't told Clint and I are going on "The Cruise" that he received last xmas for being the "unsung hero" (a.k.a going above and beyond what he is paid to do).. We leave on Aug.3rd and return on the 7th. Part of me is so excited to be spending this time with just my husband, but the mother part of me is sick to her stomach at the thought of leaving my babies for that long. Don't get me wrong I know they will be in good hands with grandparents, but I am a Mom I worry it's my job. The main thing I keep thinking is what will Maxton think of me being gone for that many days I worry that he will think I abandoned him and when I come back he won't be mommy's baby any more, that he will be mad at me and cling to grandma. That would break my heart :( This will be the first time I have been away from him for more than a few hours since he was born. If you can't tell I am very nervous. So many what ifs start running through my mind and I can't make them stop. I have been having very horrible nightmares the last few weeks thus not sleeping well and I think the reason behind it is the fear of leaving the kids and going so far away. I will probably cry for the first day of our trip because I have left them. It is weird that when I went to New York back in Nov. I only cried on the drive back from drooping them off with grandma, but I also had Maxton with me which I think helped. I have even went so far as to email the travel agent to ask how we would get back to the states in an event of an emergency. Is this insane? I have gotten together our will, all of our important papers, passwords to online banking accts., user and passwords to all online accts. I can think of, wrote a health history report for each kid, wrote down all the accidents they have had to date, I have wrote them letters.. etc. etc.. I am losing my mind. Every time I think of leaving I start to cry. Is going on vacation suppose to be this hard? Does anybody else have this problem or I am just strange??