yes they are all mine!!

My Beautiful Sweet Heart Baby.. We LOVE you soooo Much! You are so Brave and Strong and you don't even know it.. I can tell by the look in your eyes that you know something BIG is about to happen. Daddy, I and Cayne will be with you through it all! We love you little guy!!





Well the countdown has begun.. A countdown that I wish I never had to think about.. Today it is 2 weeks and 2 days before Maccoy's Open Heart Surgery.. We met with the surgeon Dr.OBrein on Friday for our Consult. He seems like a very smart man who cares about his patients and knows what he is doing. Clint and I both walked out of that appt. feeling very confident that he would do a great job of mending our little guys broken heart! Really the info he gave us was all stuff we have heard a dozen times before and read a million times over. He did tell us that he was impressed by Maccoy's size and him still being pink tet guess they don't see a lot of heart babies as chubby and Pink as Maccoy (patting myself on the back again Good old "boobie juice"). He thought Maccoy's surgery would take about 4 hours but we probably won't see him for close to 6hours. They will take him from us in PreOP holding back to the OR where they will put him "to sleep" and then place all his lines (IV's etc.) much better than sticking him a dozen times while he is screaming/crying this takes about 1 hour, then once all those are in place they make the incision cut the sternum and put him on the heart/lung bypass machine surgery has began once all the patches are in place and the muscle bundles cut out and his heart is REPAIRED they will take him off the bypass and his heart will start beating on its own again they will close and take him back to the Intensive Care Unit and once he is settled and we have talked to Dr.OBrein about how surgery went (about 45mins) they will take us back to be with him. He will be Sedated and have Several IV's, a central line, a arterial line, NG tube in his nose to empty his stomach, his incision will be dressed and have two drains in it, BP cuff on, and of course be on the Ventilator. He will have his own nurse who is in the room with him always in the PICU, and Clint and I (an Cayne) can be with him 24hrs/day and you can bet we will be! I AM NOT LEAVING MY BABY! We of course are scared to death, but this is our only option so we must be strong/brave and move forward so that we can put this behind us.. We are already planing a CELEBRATION Vacation just the 9 of us enjoying each other and Celebrating getting through this past 18+mths of Craziness!
Dr.O said he usually doesn't take them off the ventilator for at least 24 hours this is so their body has a chance to start to heal/rest from such a Big surgery and sometimes they are on it longer just depends on the kiddo. He said to expect 4 days in the PICU and then 4 to 5 days on the PEDS floor of course this is only an estimate could be shorter (they would be great) or could be longer :( Every kid is different. He did say that Maccoy's echo (sono of his heart) shows stenosis above,at and below the pulmonary valve which means if they have to cut over the pulmonary valve we could see some leaking around the valve later on which would lead him to need more surgeries to replace the valve.
I went to visit Immanuel in the PICU on Friday the day after his surgery and he looked so great! even with all the tubes/wires/drains etc.. I walked away happy thinking that wasn't so bad only to have it catch up with me later. You see I started thinking about all the Pain my baby would be in, the fact that I won't be able to pick him up and sway with him and whisper in his ear to calm him down, I won't get to see his beautiful smile when I say "Hi HONEY", or watch him do his army crawl for many days.. All this just about BROKE me... Can you imagine how hard that is going to be? Screw all the wires/tubes/drains those I have seen many times before(I was a nurse ya know) but to not be able to comfort my child like I do a million times a day is just to much for me to think of.. I wish I could take all the pain from him and put it in me..I did this to him and now he must pay for it. Just not fair not fair at all.. MACCOY I AM SO SORRY SWEET BABY..
So now we plan,pack,prepare and wait.. And hope that he can stay healthy til surgery day ( i think i am secretly wishing that he gets sick so we don't have to go through with it, but on the other hand it would sure be nice to get it done/fixed/mended/repaired whatever u want to call it)