yes they are all mine!!

Last Year on this day April 14th We handed our son over to surgery nurses. What at the time I thought would be the hardest part of the whole process. Handing him over knowing what was about to happen and not knowing if I would see him again. Oh boy was I wrong. The morning started off with a 6:45a.m phone call from the surgery clinic saying we needed to get there ASAP as the first case was having issues with blood so Maccoy would be Dr.OBrein's first case instead of his second. We flew around getting ready, I woke the kids so they could kiss and hug their baby brother and I stood in the corner sobbing at the scene before me.. The older kids were scared and Maccoy had NO idea what was going on. The drive to the hospital took a lot longer than the normal 30 mins it was rush hour. We arrived in the surgery clinic at 8:20a.m. they rushed us back to pre op holding where your typical wait can be at least an hour ours was 15 mins if that. They took us out a door that led to the OR hallway this is where we would give our last hugs, kisses and I LOVE you's. As they took him from me he just had a look of what where are we going they walked away and I just squeezed Cayne and cried, Clint and I held each other we were so scared. We made it to the waiting room and I sat in a chair and held Cayne and cried I didn't care who looked at me, I didn't hear anyone talk to me, I do remember one of the front desk volunteers offered me a room to go in and take a moment but I couldn't move. Clint left and went to get us a drink. During the surgery a CV nurse practitioner would come out every hour to give us updates. Our first update came at 9:40a.m. Lisa came said all his I.V's, wires, tubes etc. were in he was sedated and they were getting ready to make the first cut. I had asked my Best Friends to be there with us to help out with Cayne and of course being the wonderful women they are had agreed! Jennifer and Amy arrive right after the first update. I was in a daze. I don't really remember much just that they new what to do without being told, they could tell I was out of it. They asked some questions about feeding him and changing his diaper etc.. then took him to walk around. I realized I forgot something in the car so I made a mad dash to get it. I really went to loose it. I never told anyone that, everyone offered to go for me but I sad No then I went to the parking garage got in the car and screamed and cried and punched the dash..When I came back I had gotten a call from my parents that they were at the hospital so I went to find them, we got another update from Lisa just as I walked back into the waiting room all was going well that was around 10:30a.m. I had to pump and nurse Cayne. I tried to sit and carry on conversations with my friends and my parents but I almost felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I just kept thinking about how much pain my baby was in and how unfair all this was and why did it happen to him?? Our next update from Lisa came around 11:15 he was on bypass and all was still going well, she said it would be another 1.5 to 2 hrs before they began to close his chest.The next upade would come after 12 that things were still good, we asked Lisa some questions about the pulmonary valve but she said we would have to wait for Dr.OBrein. Around 1p.m. she gave us our last update he was finished they were closing him up and then she moved us from that waiting room to the Ronald McDonald waiting room from here we would go to the PICU waiting room. Once he was settled in the PICU we were allowed to go back to see him (only 2 people at a time and only people the parents had ok'd) This is another one of those times that I was so Thankful to have Jen and Amy around to take care of Cayne.. When I first laid eyes on Maccoy I didn't see the wires, machines, IV's or even that ugly chest dressing all I saw was the most beautiful baby ever oh how I just wanted to scoop him up and run, he was so swollen and lifeless. I was scared and worried. I cried and just laid my hand on his little hands and prayed.. The days in the PICU were definitely hard the watching and the waiting but the Care was AMAZING! Of course I have talked a lot about nurse Stephanie best nurse ever!! After the ventilator came out things started moving pretty fast and 2 days in the PICU we were on our way to 4 Southerland we moved there on Friday evening which I think was the first mistake because after we moved to the 4th floor our care wasn't good. As far as I am concerned that's when it all went down hill. Blown IV's, which required the flight team to come try putting one in and a trip to the OR recovery room where a on call anesthesiologist put one in only to have it blown on the first flush back on the 4th floor, it was also where I had to beg and plead to get pain meds and suppositories and finally I had to get a Social Worker to get everyone to STOP coming in our room and waking up a resting recovering baby.. But he had Clint and I there advocating for him he was NEVER alone unlike the poor heart baby across the hall that spent more time alone, crying and in a travel swing than any baby should have to :( The day we walked out of CMH was so happy! Although we know Maccoy's Journey is never going to be over he is here with us happy and "healthy" and we are so grateful! He is is my hero!!

HAPPY MENDED HEART ANNIVERSARY MACCOY TRUSTON!! WE LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK ALWAYS!!