As this year comes to a end..

I have so many feelings running through me.. Happy, Sad,Wonder,Peace,Joy,Love... I could go on and on.. This has truly been the hardest year of my life, but yet the most wonderful thus far. I have gone from a high risk pregnancy, to going into labor on my own, having a twin natural delivery (when a csection was recommended), Maccoy then having to spend 5 days in the NICU, finding out my beautiful baby has a terrible heart defect and will need open heart surgery, coming home being scared to death of all the what if's all the while trying to be strong hold myself together and take care of my children and husband and all their needs, multiple cardiologist visits never knowing when the time would come for my precious baby to need his life saving surgery, making myself ill every time he caught the smallest cold or cried just a little longer/harder than I thought he should, feeling so GREAT every time we went to the dr. and they would say how they couldn't believe how Big he was and how well he was doing considering his diagnosis, watching every first both my beautiful/sweet boys have done, birthdays for the other kids, Christmas with my 7 children and wonderful husband, Oh lets not forget celebrating the BIG 30 for Clint and I both, Going to THE visit where we were told its time, getting the phone call to schedule the surgery and knowing the date, almost having to cancel the date due to a cold, getting the phone call that surgery had been moved up get the hospital ASAP, the feeling of giving my baby to those nurses and not knowing what was going to happen next, pacing,crying,waiting,fearing for many long long hours while they fixed my baby, seeing him for the first time after surgery tubes,IV's,monitors,lifeless but yet the MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY I HAVE EVER SEEN, the relief of leaving that hospital many days later with Maccoy alive with his mended heart, the not knowing when his next surgery will be needed but just enjoying life.... What a year this has been Buddy, my BRAVE HERO that's what you are... Of course there has been a lot more to our year homework, illness,fun,fighting,travels,etc.. but unfortunately what I wrote above has defined my year and I am so happy to have it behind us and so happy to have it to remember, because unlike some heart mom's I have my baby with me, I get to squeeze him, kiss him and love him whenever I want and going through all of this makes me a stronger person, has made my marriage stronger, and made our family stronger....